


"I'm telling you, Falkner, he's an alchemist! Cap'n Crunch is an alchemist!"

by TheJadeGrenade



Series: FMA OC Stuff [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Quaker Oats "Cap'n Crunch" Commercials
Genre: Alchemy, Cereal, Conspiracy, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-29 22:15:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19839595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheJadeGrenade/pseuds/TheJadeGrenade
Summary: Wild Card Alchemist of Cafline, Adrian Olmes, tells the Plastic Alchemist, Lee Falkner, about a conspiracy they have in mind.





	"I'm telling you, Falkner, he's an alchemist! Cap'n Crunch is an alchemist!"

In the morning, Adrian was staring down a large, family size box of cereal. It was a box of Cap'n Crunch's Crunch Berries. "Crunch-a-tize me, Cap'n... Nobody should be transmuted into cereal, you cruel alchemist..."

"Cap'n Crunch is an alchemist? Did Quaker ever say that?" Lee sat across from Adrian, eating a honey-jelly toast sandwich.

"No... But I have a conspiracy!"

"A conspiracy?"

"Yes, Cap'n Crunch, Cereal Alchemist! That's what I'm calling it."

"Hmmm." Lee was intrigued now. "Tell me more."

"Well! He's got the outfit!" Adrian pointed at the box, showing Lee. "That's a similar color scheme to the military uniform of Amestris! And he can 'crunch-a-tize' people. And he can turn his cereal from the little squares to the berries and... And he's trying to hide it! That 'Oops!' is all too sarcastic! He wants your money! He made a transmutation circle of cardboard, and turned those oat and corn squares into oat and corn balls with berry flavor!"

Lee couldn't help but laugh. "Pfft... You sound really concerned about this."

"I'm telling you, Falkner, he's an alchemist! Cap'n Crunch is an alchemist!"

"You're an alchemist."

"And? I still think Cap'n Crunch is trying to hide his cereal alchemy!"

"That's... Marketable?"

"If it isn't true, I should just go pitch it to Quaker. I mean, if people don't like the military in some places and Cap'n Crunch is in the military... He might as well be an alchemist too."

"...Say, did you ever notice his uniform? It looks more like he's a commander."

"Commander Crunch?! This must be looked into! This will add to the conspiracy! Thanks, Lee!" Adrian whisked the box of cereal away to study it.

Lee was essentially clueless by this point about what just happened.

"I should make a replica of a Cap'n Crunch box out of Lego just to spite Adrian... Or maybe just encourage them."

**Author's Note:**

> Cafline is based on America.


End file.
